i fall again

you think it was gonna be your typical friday - boring, in front of the computer, just at home. and you find out you're completely, absolutely, terribly wrong.

yes, i fell down again. this time, harder than ever. nothing in life is ever easy to get. people may think that all that i want is within my reach. but they're wrong. it's not easy. expectations are higher. goals are higher. more pressure is added. just because people know that i can go far and i will, doesn't mean that getting far is easy. today i got another slap from reality. my heart sank when i heard the bad news. my breathing was getting uneasy and i called up one of my best friends. and when she answered, i just broke down. i couldn't control my emotions and my tears. i haven't felt that way and cried that hard since my last breakup. i haven't been this affected since last year. i almost forgot how it felt.

i have calmed down now. i think i have let it all out. one time, big time. got big hugs from my sister. i know my tears wouldn't change anything. but now i can think clearer. i can see clearly what i need to do to turn things around and make them go my way. for tonight, let me just get a much needed sleep.

the thing that i find funny about all this is what my horoscope said today. it goes like this: "It's not important that it's friday or that it's february or that it's 2008. Think about your future and plan ahead. Anything that happens today will have no significance and will be irrelevant." hmm.. should i take this as coincidence or does this have another meaning? should i just forget what happened today and shrug it off? should i not care about it coz it doesn't matter? thinking about it, it's funny how most answers from the love book and even my horoscopes actually make sense and have meaning. and they actually relate to my personal life. i take that as my guidance from above. because only He knows best. and it's true. *sigh*

so i'll just end this with a quote dedicated to myself for a more optimistic view filled with more hope for a brighter tomorrow. "Trusting God is a strange thing. We have a hard time bringing ourselves to do it, and yet when there's nothing else left, it always works." i trust Him. always have, always will.

rent remixed: in review

ok, so a little warning. this is going to be a long entry. really long. i'm no critic, but i'm a rent-a-holic, which means i love rent. i particularly fell in love with the original version of rent. mostly because of the movie version of it. and when it came to london last year, i knew i just had to watch it. and i did. i have. yesterday. it's really sad that's it's closing on saturday. anyways, if you're gonna ask me how was it, there are two ways i can answer that question. first way is "i'm gonna say, it was good. eventhough there were some parts that, in my opinion, they 'murdered' some songs. but it was not bad at all". then there's the other way. i could critise (or praise) each part of the show and really talk about everything in detail. so if you want to know more, sit back and make sure you're really comfortable and then read on.

RENT
Duke of York's Theatre - Wed 30 Jan 08 - 07:45pm

CAST: (in order of speaking)

Mark - Oliver Thornton
Roger - Luke Evans
Collins - Leon Lopez
Benny - Craig Stein
Joanne - Francesca Jackson
Angel - Jay Webb
Mimi - Ruth Augilera (suppose to be Siobhan Donaghy)
Maureen - Jessie Wallace

Musical Numbers:Act1
Prologue
Tune Up
Rent
One Song Glory
Light My Candle
Today 4 U
You'll See
Life Support
Out Tonight
Another Day
Will I?
Santa Fe
I'll Cover You
We're Okay
Tango Maureen
Christmas Bells
Act2
Over the Moon
La Vie Boheme
Happy New Year
Take Me Or Leave Me
Without You
Contact
I'll Cover You Reprise
What You Own
You Eyes
Finale (No Day But Today)
Seasons of Love

tick-tock-tick-tock. 525600 minutes. what i like about the begininng was that there was this electronic banner counting down seconds. it was so nice. plus i always wanted something like that in my room. haha. what struck me next was their british accents. it was so wierd and kinda cute and sounded quite different.

enter mark cohen. i also pictured him to be have quite a geeky personality with his camera always in hand. so to see a macho-type mark kinda surprised me. it was kinda funny to me. but he had a good voice. quite operatic though.

anyways, i reserved my tickets through london theatre which offers discounted tickets. they told me they would be giving the best seats, (yeah right.) but i have to disagree with them. it was nice but i just couldn't the upper level of their stage. i always had to slouch down or lean right or left to get a glimpse. argh. there was also the lights that blocked my view of that upper part. so that's what you get when they say 'the best seats'.

i have never seen a broadway production of rent (well except for youtube videos of course.) so i didn't have any expectations on how the stage would look like. so the dancers and drama effect on the side was really good. at the same time, they were slowly changing the set. efficient, nice.

enter angel dumott schunard and tom collins. oooh, i was so disappointed for angel. i don't know. i guess angel just wasn't too girly. i want to see angel with high heels and short skirts. then collins, hmm.. he seemed quite gay in some scenes. and then seeing them together, hmm..they look cute together. (but i still love jesse l. martin and wilson jermaine heredia.Ü)

ok, before i continue, i just realized that i talk more about their look than their singing. but you see, their singing was good. so there isn't much to talk about there. try and understand that i feel even the look of the each character contributes to the production. hmm..what do you think? now moving on.

enter roger davis. ooh, i just love the character of roger! even if he had aids. plus i love adam pascal from the original broadway and movie version. now i also love luke evans. not to forget that one song glory is one of my favorites. even though that they remixed the song into more of a ballad, love song. but wasn't bad at all.

today 4u, tomorrow 4 me. this was shocking, really. it started out okay, however again, he was almost half naked throughout the whole dance. but he was a good dancer, nice moves. i just never imagined angel dumott schunard to be half naked dancing and singing and showing off his muscular build. just imagined him more feminine.

enter benjamin coffin iii also known as benny. the former roomie turned landlord yuppie. when he (craig stein) was singing 'you'll see', he had this rnb or soul kind of singing. yes, he seemed like one of those rnb artists, such as ne-yo, mario or chris brown. plus he had the look of someone professional, suit and tie. he just looked so like a yuppie.

life support. this was a really wierd and quite awkward for mark cohen. plus this was the part he seemed gay. oliver thornton doesn't really look like the mark cohen i imagine (which is more like anthony rapp. i love him.Ü). here's a short clip.

enter the feline fantasy, miss mimi marquez - at the catscratch club nightly. this was what was written on the electronic banner. cool. but she started from the upper level and like i said, i couldn't quite seat from my 'best' seat. she was sing out tonight and it was different from the original one, but in a good way. it was a jazzy remix to the original and her performance was chicago-ish. in a good way.

time to dance. tango maureen. the part where 'pookie' became 'pukie'. well mainly because of the accent. but the shocking moment is when mark cohen was just in a sando. and he was so touchy touchy. ok ok, i get it. this is to be the sexiest cast there is. fine.

christmas. it's so cute that the blue christmas trees were falling from the sky like snow. haha. and that's the end of act1. only then does maureen johnson appear. at the very last line. alas act2 begins.

mooooooooo. of course, it begins with over the moon. it is really such a great performance. and again, maureen was looking sexy. it's quite funny she was wearing the same throughout the whole thing. (ok so it reminds of idina menzel. i love her.Ü) and then straight to one of my favorites. la vie boheme! for this song, i so like the first one better. mark began with an operatic tone. but i must agree that oliver thornton can sing. and a dancing remix to the song, hmm..sorry but i'm not feeling it. hee hee.

ok so probably now you're thinking that i compare this with the original broadway production in new york and the movie version with all the original cast members a little too much. and i say how i love everyone there (especially adam pascal and anthony rapp.Ü). putting that all aside, i would say that rent remixed is really good. if i haven't watched the movie version or didn't have a clue what rent sounds like, then i would definitely recommend to you to go watch. (without any bias of course) sadly though, rent remixed in london is closing on february2. and the original broadway version in new york is closing too on june 1. oh i'm so sad to see them both close. i love rent. and i guess i always will. no day but today.

** SORRY, THIS IS JUST MOST PART OF THIS ENTRY. IT IS SUPER CLOSE TO COMPLETE. I'LL UPDATE THIS TOMORROW. COME BACK LATER. SEE YA. **

the dream of someone else

yes, i have always dreamed of that someone meant for me. so yes, i also believe in destiny, soulmates, mr. right and all that stuff. eversince i can remember, i have always been a hopeless romantic. i believed that things were meant to be and of course, if some thing's weren't meant to be, they just wouldn't be no matter what you do. that second part, i had to learn the hard way. giving up or letting go of things that you want but wasn't meant for you is so heart-breaking.

i remember a friend telling me "while waiting for the right one, enjoy with the wrong one first." i was thinking, "ah yes, the right, soon." then i smiled.

we all dream of having someone to be with and spend our time with. we all dream of growing old with someone. that someone who could complete us and be our everything. okay, i guess that's enough of mushy talk, i'm sure you get what i mean. we talk about the right time, that right moment where everything will just fall into its place. you never know when exactly that moment is so you cannot prepare for you. but you'd be surprised to know that everything is falling into its right place and eventually you'll find out. soon.

tragedy..

quotes from one tree hill. i love this show.

Brooke: "George Bernard Shaw once wrote; 'There are two tragedies in life: one is to lose your heart's desire, the other is to gain it.' Clearly, Shaw had his heart broken once or twice."

Nathan: "As far as I’m concerned, Shaw was a punk! 'Cause you know what? Tragedies happen. What're you gonna do, give up? Quit? No. I realize now that when your heart breaks, you gotta fight like hell to make sure you’re still alive. 'Cause you are, and that pain you feel: it's life. The confusion and fear.. that's there to remind you that somewhere out there is something better. And that something is worth fighting for."

Haley: "This year, I got everything I wanted and everything I wished for.. but, in a way, I lost even more."

Lucas: "Shaw was right: as we strain to grasp the things we desire, the things we think will make our lives better: money, popularity, fame... we ignore what truly matters -- the simple things: like friendship, family, love. The things we probably already had."

Mouth: "So, Mr. Shaw thinks that getting your hearts desire is a tragedy? I say he’s wrong. I mean, clearly, Shaw never kissed Erica Marsh."

Peyton: "Yeah, losing your heart’s desire is tragic. But gaining your heart’s desire... It’s all you can hope for. This year, I wished for love. To immerse myself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. My wish was granted. And if having that is tragic… then give me tragedy. Because, I wouldn’t give it back for the world."

one eyebrow raised

today was a funny day. i found out how eyebrows can make a difference. yes, apparently any change you do with it can make you prettier. here's the deal. i have thick eyebrows. and just yesterday, i had it trimmed. it was nothing planned though. my mom went to the hairdressers for her haircut and then all of a sudden, i was on the hot seat, getting my brows trimmed. at home, they were all saying how i look different, how i no longer look like the old me. but of course, i thought, 'yeah, they're family, so they're suppose to say that, you know?' but then today, when i went to college, it was really funny. my friends were like 'something's different with you today'. there will be a short pause and them a loud 'aaah!!'. yup, some shock on their face. and they go, 'your eyebrows!'. and they start saying 'you look prettier', 'you look different with your new eyebrows', blah blah blah... one even said, 'you look sexier..' but that person's just crazy and something's badly wrong with his eyes. they just kept looking at me and my eyebrows and it got kinda annoying. by the end of the day, i was still amazed at the idea that by just a small change in my eyebrows and my friends are somehow giving a second look, a longer look. hahaha. so now, i'll just smile...

have you heard? part2

* Legally Blonde is now on broadway.

it was quite random how i first came to know about this. i was looking at rent the musical videos and just saw the video entitled "legally blonde on broadway". in the video, they were singing "omigod, omigod you guys..la la la...". it was somewhat catchy and i like it. okay, so i wanna watch musical as well. another musical to add to my list.

* Rent Remixed is closing in London on February 2, 2008!

wait for it, wait for it. another "WWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?!" and "NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!". i wanna cry. this cannot be happening. just last week, i found out Rent was closing in new york, and now here as well. it's just about two weeks, well not even, exactly nine days from today. ok so i guess i have to reserve my tickets now. who's coming with me? weee...

* American Idol Season 7 is now on.

this is something i look forward to every year. i became a fan since season 3, when jasmine trias came on to the show and became a hit. a fun part of this show is the beginning - the auditions. recently, i saw this guy and he was funny. he loves simon so much. reynaldo lapuz. do you watch the show? have you seen this audition? some people would look at this badly, they may think of him as a shame. but all i can say "gogogo! show them what you're made of."



We're Brothers Forever

I am your brother, your best friend forever,
Singing the songs, the music that you like.
We're brothers till the end of time.
Together or not, you're always in my heart
Your hurting feelings in you will reign no more.
(Repeat non-stop)


* Heath Ledger, dead at the age of 28.

i was shocked. was this real? but sadly, it was. and i liked him as an actor. i remember watching him in the movie 'ten things i hate about you'. he was good. of course, his role in brokeback mountain would be remembered. he is certainly a loss to hollywood.

* I (might) visit the Phils. this year.

i really hope this time i do. there was the possibility of may and there's also july. the problem with may is that i would only be in the philippines for a week. what can i do in a week? that's too short! the only good thing is i would get to bond with my cousins from new zealand. and then july, one of my best friends here is celebrating her 18th birthday and of course, it's the season for barrio fiestas. but if i go home in july, i'd be there for a month. hay... what to choose? what to day? why does it have to be so difficult?

family duty

List of responsibilities during a party/dinner at our house:

* Clean my room and bathroom. (including pc table)

* Put crystal glasses unto tray. (champagne, scoth, wine - both big and small, normal drinking glass - big and small..)

* Fold about a hundred napkins.

* Fold spoon and fork into a napkin. (did about ten or so..)

* Cut cheese into slices. (seperate whole slices from bits and pieces)

* Pick up guests at ground floor via the staircase. (my exercise. so here's the deal. we live on the third floor. we usually use the lift. but unfortunately for us, it had to be broken at this time. and you need the key as well to access the staircase. *pants* so in short, i had to go down to the ground floor. open the door for the guests and walk all the way up to the third floor again. *pants*)

* Welcome the guests at the door. (say "welcome, tuloy po kayo, ayan po, may guestbook tayo, chuchu..")

* Get the coats. (put them on hangers. and hang them on the coat rack. which is located in my room.)

* Serve them drinks. (wine, scotch, juice, coke, water, tea ?)

* Give them plates with spoon and fork.

* Clean up a little. (after they have eaten)

* Picture-picture. (camera person. haha)

* In between all that, take care after my baby sister.

* Do a little serving of dessert and more drinks.

* Wait around until they finish. (after all their drinking, talking, eating, talking, more drinking..)

* Give them back their coats and say farewell.

* Cleaning up all the mess.

after all that, finally, i can rest. then i would be able to stay in bed until late the next day. unless of course, it's a weekday and i have college that next morning. hope i don't wake up on the wrong side of the bed. if you know what i mean.

before midnight

ok ok, so i have to get this entry done before midnight. i have a class early the next morning. and i already lack too much sleep. because of exams and other random stuff. so i guess i better start.

exams. i hate exams. don't you? i mean, who doesn't? give me atleast one student who enjoys exams. and i'll take that last question back. imagine, the sleepless nights, the constant reading and revision, the questions and the doubts, all that stress. for an hour-long paper that is usually crap. hehe. so i'm guessing you would already know how i feel about my exams. except for my maths exam, i hate all my exams! coming out from the exam room, i just feel bad. like "oh snap, oh crap."

facebook. yes, the new friendster for me. haha. mainly because most of my friends here in london have facebook. so i guess it's safe to say that facebook (or myspace) in london is like friendster (or multiply) in the philippines. gets? so buy me a drink or send me a hug now. haha.

birthdays. people have this thing about birthdays that when someone forgets, we say we are sad or sulk or moan about to that someone who forgot. that someone who must have remembered it was your birthday. ok, i must admit i am one of those people who feel sad when people - close friends, forget it's my birthday and forget to greet. but i don't really sulk around or keep moaning about it. it's just kinda disppointing you know. hmm..reminds of someone. haha. and here's to another someone celebrating their birthday soon, happy birthday! hope you know who you are.

sleep. as you already now, i lack sleep, i need sleep, i want sleep. gawd, my eyebugs. okay, time to get some shut-eye. enough said.

have you heard?

* Multiply and ABS-CBN are now partners.

i just wonder what we get out of it..

http://multiply.multiply.com/journal/item/195/Multiply_ABS-CBN_A_match_made_in_Quezon_City
official press release: http://multiply.com/info/press/abscbn

* Pirates of the Carribean 4

one of my favorite trilogies to date. i remember watching the first pirates movie on the first day of its first showing in the cinemas back home. i was with all my classmates and that was one memorable day. but that's not what i'm supposed to be talking about, i think it's still not confirmed yet but there will a pirates 4 & 5. and that johnny depp may be the only one returning for the series. the story of elizabeth swann and william turner has finished so they're making the whole movie to focus on captain jack sparrow as well as the fountain of youth. for me, captain jack sparrow is one of the best characters johnny depp has ever played. and it would be nice to see him back in character.

* Rent is closing in New York on June 1, 2008.

as of thursday, it has been nine hundred thirty thousand, one hundred eighty minutes since rent opened in new york. i read this on a friend's blog and i was just like "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" and "WWWWHHHYYYYY?!?!". i felt really bad. i already had plans of going to new york to visit family and longtime friends. and of course, on my agenda was to watch rent live on broadway stage. and now, i just wouldn't seem to get the chance. i confess now that i'm a rent-a-holic. and i know that there is a rent show here in london. i know where it is and all the details but it is remixed unlike the original broadway or the movie version. plus i still don't have the time to see it (or the company either). for now, i just so want to go to new york, buy a ticket for rent and watch it. pleasssssssssse.

* There's still no snow in London.

yes, you heard me right, no snow - london - still. i wanted a white christmas but nooo, it didn't happen. i've been waiting outside for snow eversince the newspapers said that it would be snowing here in london. hope snow comes soon coz my neck hurts.

* The Philippine Embassy in London has now moved. (to serve you better. Haha.)

officially, it will be inaugurated tomorrow but has been open to the public since january 3 this year. but believe it or not, the inside is still not finished. should i say carpeting is still not complete and the basement is not done so other officers still don't have their office. hmm.. must i go on? but anyways, this part is just f.y.i. (for your information), most especially for those living in the united kingdom.

website: http://www.philemb.org.uk/

i took the first step but i stumbled and fell. should i still stand up?

that's the question i ask myself now. after all that hard work (plus it wasn't at all free.), this is what i get. ok, so i shouldn't be complaining. i wasn't really expecting anything so that when i get to this outcome, i wouldn't feel too much hurt or disappointment. but i forget the most painful part of all this - telling everyone else.

everyone just had so high hopes and expectations. sorry. you see, this is somewhat the scenario i get. after i tell the truth, they are just shocked. then they ask me, 'are you sure?' which of course i am. then they shake their head and start questioning everything that happened until that point. some try to comfort me while others are just frustrated at the outcome that they think of ways or so-called 'strategies' to fix things. me, well, i just shrug it off. sometimes this just feels like they are simply adding insult to injury. just ouch..

to all those who know me know that it doesn't really bother me now. but to those who know better, uhm well..they would question everything. they would tell me to fight for it. and be like 'why give it all up when you've done so much?' and say i deserve it and all that. the only thing i guess they don't get is that i already know i deserve it and i'm worth all that. but can something really done for things that you know weren't meant to be?

a political mind with an appetite for alcohol

i am my father's daughter, that's for sure. it seems i do have a few things in common with my dad. when i was younger, they would always say i look like my dad. they say i am the girl version of my dad. haha.

someone once asked me what i wanted to become and do in the future? did i want to become lik my dad and lead a diplomatic life with all this connections? or did want to go into something completely different than that of my dad? or would i use the connections of my dad with people into pursuing a career of my own? hmmm...

the first time i heard my mom say "anak, lasinggera ka talaga." and i remembering laughing out loud. hahaha. i don't really drink often. only when there's an occasion, so yes, in other words, i drink socially. i have not gotten drunk to the point that i would throw up and end up hugging the toilet bowl. one time, they asked me my opinion a beer and i said i didn't quite like it because it tasted a little blunt like it was just water, filled with alcohol. and they all laughed and my dad joked, "she's really her father's daughter." there was laughter again. i don't know if it was the effect of alcohol that have gone to their heads but that sure was true. i guess..

lamentation: you're in my thoughts

it's funny when i think about how he came to be in my life. the claim was that he was a 'friend' of a friend. that seemed suspicious but i went along with it. with each day that passed, i got to know a little bit more about him while he bombared me with questions about my past as if he really seemed to know me and wanted answers. i had my doubts on who he really was but i didn't care, it didn't matter. he was someone i could talk to about my problems and random stuff about life. he kept me company eventhough i felt he kept his distance. he became my way of letting go. he became the medium in which i could say whatever i wanted to say and tell my story about my past without holding back. in simple words, he became the person i told all that was in my heart even if it was meant for someone else and that through him, i know my words actually got through to that someone else. in the end, i knew who he really was but pretended not to see it or believe it. now, he seems to just be a distant memory, someone that belongs to a beautiful dream.

so to you, migs, wherever you may be, i want you to know that you are in my thoughts and i guess i'll always be thinking about you every now and then. well i guess this is probably the first and last time i'm gonna say this: i miss you. it would be really nice to talk to you again.
hopefully someday migs, someday.

there's a hidden meaning.

What Anna Katrina Catapang Means

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. (notes for those who do not know what a classic "type A" personality is: Competitive, driven, stressed, workaholic) You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. (?) You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life. You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip. People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them. You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life. You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home. You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. (?) You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. (?) You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. (not true.) You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily. You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind. A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable. You are influential and persuasive. You tend to have a lot of power over people. Generally, you use your powers for good. You excel at solving other people's problems. Occasionally, you do get a little selfish and persuade people to do things that are only in your interest. (?) You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life. You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone. Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs. (?)

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

i love friends.

season 10 - episode 16: The One With Rachel's Going Away Party

this is just one of my favorite episodes from one of my all-time favorite tv shows, friends. this is the episode where rachel says goodbye to each of her friends individually, except for ross. he then gets mad and the two of them end up kissing after she explains that she was putting it off because of how hard saying goodbye to him would be. i remember watching this episode one day, back when i was in the philippines, and was days from leaving. and i couldn't help but cry. i felt what rachel felt. there was just so many people - so many friends that i was gonna miss. of course, the part where rachel tells ross why she found it hard to say goodbye to him was one of my favorite scenes. (can relate? hehe. hmm..)

Rachel: "You really think i didn't say goodbye to you because i don't care."

Ross: "Thats what it seemed like."

Rachel: "I cannot believe that after 10 years, you do not know one thing about me."

Ross: "Fine, then why didn't you say something?"

Rachel: "Because it is too damn hard, ross. I can't even begin to explain to you how much i'm gonna miss you. When i think about not seeing you everyday it makes me not want to go, okay? So if you think that I didn't say goodbye to you because you don't mean as much to me as everybody else, you're wrong. It's because you mean more to me. So there, alrite? There's your goodbye."

this episode is one that reminds of the good times and that i do want to go home and visit. and yes, i swear that i have to go home and visit this year. yes friends, 2008 is the year.

it's a small world after all

yes, just like the song, i know. sounds very cliche-ic but still very true. today i found out something that at first, made my heart very heavy. but then, after a while, i was just laughing and smiling. actually it wasn't really something funny. it was more of how your connections with people and relationships with them can link you closer to others than you realize. i know you may not understand a thing of what i'm saying but it's like the concept of six degrees of separation. it's the idea that, if a person is one step away from each person he or she knows and two steps away from each person who is known by one of the people he or she knows, then everyone is no more than six "steps" away from each person on Earth. who knows that maybe tomorrow you find out how you are related to brad pitt or kevin bacon.

2oo7.

ok, so it's year 2008. imagine, soon it's gonna be two years since we moved to london. time just seems to passing me by. so i thought, like most bloggers, to write about the year that was. it's now my turn to stop for a while to look back, reminisce and remember the good things (even the bad and ugly). take note: this is gonna be quite a long entry.

i remember beginning 2007 with sadness in my heart because that was my first christmas and new year abroad and was just homesick. it wasn't bad but it was different. that's how i'm gonna put it, different. in a way, i still haven't adjusted to life here in london, to life being so far away from friends and family.

and now, i've changed. i think i changed most on my being too emotional and showing it. last year, everytime i felt homesick, i always had tears in my eyes. now, everytime i feel homesick, i do still feel sad but no more tears. my lovelife also used to bring me tears but now, it doesn't and i'm happy. and i'll talk about that later. my emotions used to always show on me. i couldn't hide the hurt from showing up in what i do or stop the tears from falling during any tv show. but now, i somehow can control it. i try to find it within me not to look at the negative side of what is happening and be optimistic about it. in a way, yes i have matured. this time, no more wasted tears.

i've also accepted my fate. there's no use to be still moping about the fact that i'm so far away from other friends and family. it's better this way. so what i do now is encourage them to come here. especially after they graduate. haha.

talking about friends, well we've been through so much this year and this brought us closer as friends thus creating the D.A.! i love them all so much. and thank them for making my stay here in london a little more bearable. hehe.

ok now, to one of the most asked questions. lovelife. as most of my close friends already know, i started the year in a relationship, a long distance one at that. around the mid-year, that changed. it didn't exactly break my heart but of course, i was still hurt. however i've finally learnt to let go and now, well, my lovelife's just there. a part of my life that i decided to put on a rest because of all that i have been through. i needed a rest from the drama and pain it could cause. but now, i'm ready. my heart is no longer broken into a million pieces. it has healed itself with time for itself and people who would not hurt it. but of course, my lovelife isn't too empty. there are those who make me smile and laugh. those who are reasons for me to go to school and those who inspire me to take chances. those who pop into my mind and i smile for no reason. at certain times, i feel myself falling. but at the same time, i stop myself. there's no rush. there's still time. and i'm happy.

Other Reasons to remember 2007:

• PNB Work Experience
• my 19th Birthday Celebration
• the whole month of November
• Barrio Fiestas '07
• Royal Ascot '07
• PGMA Visit
• Trip to Ireland
• Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows
• Summer Movies (Transformers, Pirates3, HP5, Ratatouille, Simpsons)
• New Friendships (College & Filo Community)

i'll continue this tomorrow. come back later. =)

xoxo, Gossip Girl

happy new year!

happy 2oo8 everyone.

this is officially my first entry for the year. i was suppose to write a year-ender entry. but i'll just do that some other day. maybe when i feel like it or have more time. as for now, i just want to sleep this off.

goodnight 2oo7.

'07, now signing off.


ps. happy birthday kei! :]

Get to know yourself better

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education:

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.


** this is so me! agree? hehe. although a very little part of it is questionable. hehe. =)

on birthdays, christmases and blogs.

birthday: anniversary of the day of one's birth

ok, so this blog is a little too overdue. but i'll still write this out. first and foremost, i want to say a big thank you to everyone who has made my birthday special by remembering it. namely, of course, my college friends (who all know who you are. thanks for the chucks.Ü). my highschool friends and barkadas. my online buddies. my london friends. anyone. thanks for the text, im, message, comment. thanks for also trying to call besh (besh love u more for that.Ü). thanks DA for the whole day, for the food and gift. and to have all of you spend it with me. thanks to jason as well, for coming (eventhough you weren't there on my bday mismo, but thanks for the libre. haha). thanks richard and mark for making the effort to come. i know you must have been bored but you stayed anyway. of course, i also made tampo when some didn't greet me. boo! haha. ok ok, i know you didn't mean to forget. so you know you have to make up for it. okies?

christmas: annual festival in dec25 commemorating the birth of Christ

ok, now this one. it's not the best christmas ever, but it's definitely not the worst. however it's been a while since i had a good christmas. a christmas where i wasn't sad or crying. (yep, that's how my past 3 christmases have been. no asking why. haha.) well, i was really optimistic about this christmas, however, as fate would have it, my dad, mom and sister were sick. so yeah, i was just stuck at home, in front of this computer. thanks to romeo (uuy, special mention name nia. haha.) for keeping me company. and to drea. (grabe, i missed talking to you.) thank you for staying up a little longer to keep me company. i grew with the whole concept of christmas with its santa, simbang gabi, exchange gifts, noche buena and everything. i don't up to become all grown up and lose belief in old tradition.

blog: short for weblog which is a person's online journal

this is the first blog entry i have written since uhm, last november. yes, a month has passed by since i last wrote something, anything. not even a blog surrvey. why you ask? hmm.. well, not sure what the exact reason is. but i'll just say that life has been good. and expect more entries to come. blogger anakat, logging in.

20 lines. 20 people.

which one is for whom? you think you're one of the people i'm talking to? go figure.

1. you know i'll be waiting for you to come here after two years. or maybe next year. hehe

2. BIG hug!

3. some things are better left unsaid.

4. i SUPER miss you but are you still holding a grudge?

5. i love london more because of you.

6. i wanna hear you sing live.

7. when's the next event?

8. i never thought i would find friends like you here.

9. we are both one-of-a-kind, i love us!

10. i8u!

11. stay strong, stay in love, stay happy.

12. i will talk to you, SOON.

13. i'll see you in New York.

14. i miss hearing you sing with your guitar.

15. thanks for always having time for me.

16. hey you, i am not a snob, boo.

17. we're still friends despite misunderstandings, remember that.

18. get over him, not worth it.

19. we don't talk often, that's why i miss you so badly.

20. i don't say this often as i should, so here it is: many thanks for everything and i love you.

missing anonymous.

1 Missed Call

Anonymous
11:35 27-OCT-07


who are you anonymous? and why did you call? i'm hoping that was a call from someone in the phils. but then, i feel bad i didn't get to answer it. it's not like everyday i get a call from someone back home. as of now, there has been only two people who have called me. of course, only one provider of callcards. haha. looking back, it seems i still feel that i want to receive something from my friends back home. up to now, i'm looking forward to that day i receive a gift or a card from the phils. even just one card would make my birthday so complete. (yes, i AM making parinig and paawa. hahaha. ehem ehem..)

yep, my birthday is coming up. and i can't wait. so far, i've got a few plans that i really really hope everything will push through, most of which are firsts for me. i intend to make my birthday this year the best i've ever had. and i think i'm gonna need all the help i can get.


special mention to my closest friends who are fellow scorpions celebrating their birthdays as well, namely drea, glo ann and cass. i miss you girls so much! happy birthday to us! muwah!

my keys are in a safe place.

The Keys to Your Heart





You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

comments: hmm.. it's so true. loves it.

Past Life Analysis

Your past life diagnosis:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern West Australia around the year 900. Your profession was that of a monk (nun), bee-keeper or lone gunman.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
Inquisitive, inventive, you liked to get to the very bottom of things and to rummage in books. Talent for drama, natural born actor.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
There is an invisible connection between the material and the spiritual world. Your lesson is to search, find and use this magical bridge.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Do you remember now?

thoughts for the week.

my thoughts..

.. on friendship.

this week has been filled with drama of relationships between people. we all have different ways on how we treat our friends. we don't really need lots of friends to feel loved. sometimes it only takes one true friend to help us through our bad times. it was so hard for me to look pinas because of all the friends i would be leaving behind. i didn't want to start all over again (although there was a part of my life i wanted to. dibah?) from being by myself and finding people i can trust my whole life with. and much to my surprise, i found myself a good bunch of people who i simply love being with. we are all different and i love it. but of course, they cannot replace those who have been with me through all the years of my high school life. i miss them dearly.

.. on diplomacy, politics, international relations and foreign service.

this is pretty much what my life is about right now. this is a big part of my life. i get a lot of chances to experience it all firsthand. dining with all those famous names in politics is sort of pressure. looking your best, being on my best behaviour. sosyalan to da max. hahahaha. i actually enjoy all the activities i do here. working, volunteering, dining out, lots of memorable moments. it also popped in my mind to take up something to do with foreign service. what if, just what if, i followed my dad's footsteps? i would enjoy traveling and living elsewhere. but i would hate to always have a new life and leave my old life behind. in the long run, i might have to give up the career or choose family. or maybe that wouldn't rely on me.

.. on change.

it is inevitable. we cannot stop it or do anything at all about it. we just got to accept it and adapt to it. change can be better or for worse. change can really be painful at times. time is just passing by so quickly. and we just have to keep up with it. or we'd end up getting lost and eventually left far behind.

.. on independence.

at my age, it's hard to believe my parents are still over protective. time and time again, my parents are strict when it comes to me going out with friends. sometimes it's frustrating to not be able to go places with my friends. i think i would need a chaperone or bodyguard or driver or something just to go. however, it still has its good side to it. pros and cons. hmm.. let me weight them first.

.. on my past.

one of the hardest thing to do is live the life you have built all behind. all my friends and memories. you find it so hard to detach from it. you don't want to go through the trouble of starting your life all over again. it's not that easy. but you just got to deal with it. no running away from it. you slowly learn to let go of things you can't control but keep all the memories and people that truly matter.

.. on my future.

the main thing that stresses me now is university applications. getting it done is important. mainly because the deadline is coming up. it's so hard to chase teachers to get their part done. to actually send the application before the post office go on strike again. nice timing people. writing the personal statement was the hardest thing to do in the application process. because you actually stop to access yourself, to think about what you want to do after graduating, or about what interests you now and your hobbies. it's actually hard to talk about yourself in the way that would interest people in accepting you for their university. it's almost like thinking of a way how to sell yourself to the uni. friends say that the course i chose isn't surprising. they pretty much knew i'd take that. other people just think i'm really nerdy, geeky or plain crazy to take it up. but then, i realized that the opportunities after graduating is gonna be huge, especially if i go into the best university there is. fingers crossed on that. but the thing is am i ready for the future? will i be able to handle? well, there's only one way to answer that. and i'm sure i'll be just fine.

Her Diary Notes:

she just couldn't sleep. something seemed to be bothering her. something she just couldn't put her finger on. so she sat by her study table and then she saw this little black book sticking out of her book shelf. it seemed familiar to her. so she pulled it out and opened it. she read a few lines and remembered what that book was. it was her personal diary. she read on.

" september 26, 2007: 12.53am

my mind is just flying away with thoughts and dreams. and now i can't stop writing. everything is just pouring out in words. and it all comes down to this. i miss you. i miss hearing you laugh when you try make a joke even if it's not funny. i miss watching you play and being able to cheer for you. i miss holding your hand to know i'm not alone. i miss you kissing my forehead to make me feel everything is alright. i miss feeling your tight embraces that make me feel so comforted and the feeling that you ain't gonna let me go. i miss you being the first thing that i think of when i wake in the morning and last thought before going to sleep at it. i miss being able to call you mina. but the TRUTH be TOLD is that i don't really miss you at all. not one bit. not anymore. why? because now, someone else can be the one i will miss. someone else would be fill in the space you left behind. that someone would be him. and he will wait. for the right time, the right place, the moment. where everything will make sense and nothing else would matter at all."

when she finished, a teardrop fell unto the diary and a few words were smudged. reading this brought tears to her eyes. and then she smiled. she remembered her reason for everyday. it was him. he did come. and for the first time, she never felt happier. and ever more certain.

blogstuff mode1

You are 67% Scorpio

How Scorpio Are You?

Guys Like That You're Sensitive



And not in that "cry at a drop of a hat" sort of way
You just get most guys - even if you're not trying to
Guys find it is easy to confide in you and tell you their secrets
No wonder you tend to get close quickly in relationships!

What Do Guys Like About You?

You Should Be A Cancer



What's good about you: you're incredibly kind, caring, and generous

What's bad about you: you can be too moody and impossible to understand

In love: you enjoy wining and dining the object of your affection

In friendship, you're: likely to depend on other friends for emotional support

Your ideal job: historian, marine biologist, or religious figure

Your sense of fashion: you dress to match your mood

You like to pig out on: classic home cooked meals, like mac and cheese

What Sign Should You Be?

Desiderata

by Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be
greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career
however humble;
it is a real possession in the
changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind youto what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit
to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham,drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

those three words..

it has been two years. but she remembers it like yesterday. she was in her room just watching tv. it was close to midnight and she wasn't the least bit sleepy. yet. then her phone vibrated. her heart gave a leap. it was from someone she didn't expect but was still hopeful to hear from. her heart was now beating fast. she was nervous and scared. unsure whether to answer it or not. out of respect, she did.

there was a faint "hello" from the other end of the line. and he asked "how are you?". "fine," was all she could say and while fighting back the tears, she asked, "why did you call? what do you want?" nothing could have prepared her for what happened next. in the few seconds that passed, "i love you," he said. "i still love you."

and on that note, her tears fell non-stop. we always look forward to hear those three words from the person that means the most to us. but never in her life did those three words hurt her more than that moment. it stung her heart. why? why was he back? why is he doing this? why now? was he telling the truth? was he just lonely and needed someone in his life? was this real? why? why? she was staring blankly at the tv trying keep her mind off the situation while still holding her phone. her mind was somehow flying. she didn't know how to react. she realized she's been waiting to hear that again eversince they had a falling out. but why then, was it so damn painful? those tears weren't tears of joy or relief. those were tears of sadness, of pain and hurt, lots of it. it was like a stab in the heart. however, she was also wanting that. she had been waiting for that.

"stop crying. oh please, stop crying," came from the person at the other end. "see, i always seem to make you cry."
"well, can't you see i'm still hurting? i'm trying my best to move on and you come back to me and tell me these. what do you expect me to do?"
"uhm, well then, do you still love me? do you feel the same way still?"
"huh? i.. uhm, i don't know."
"i don't know is not a proper answer. it's a simple question. do you still have feelings for me? yes or no?"
"i...."
"well?"

she gave in to her feelings. she followed her heart despite being scared of getting hurt. and the rest, well is history to her. for now, it is just a bittersweet memory.

despite of that, she will never ever forget the feeling. the feeling of how those three words could ever hurt her in that way.

Anakat ____ you because you ____ this.

fill in the blanks, please. hehe. thanks so much in advance. (and oh please remember to be nice. haha.)

1. I ____ Anakat.
2. Anakat is ____.
3. My first impression of Anakat is _____.
4. If I were alone in a room with Anakat, I would _____.
5. I think Anakat should _____.
6. Anakat needs ______.
7. Anakat intensely loves ______.
8. I love ______ with Anakat.
9. I want to ______ Anakat.
10. Someday Anakat will ________.
11. Anakat reminds me of _______.
12. Without Anakat __________.
13. Classic moments with Anakat are ________.
14. Anakat can be __________.
15. Worst thing about Anakat is _________.
16. The Best thing about Anakat is _________.
17. I am ________ with Anakat.
18. One thing I wish for Anakat is ___________.
19. I hope Anakat finds _____________.
20. One lesson I hope Anakat learns is ___________.
21. Anakat will always be ___________ to me/in my life.

my fortune cookie for today.

no comment. haha.

just like that.

last saturday, i was in dudley for this family sportsfest of the filipino community there. we were there as guests because my dad was suppose to be there and give a speech. so there i was, just sitting pretty looking at the hall where the program was being held. saw the audience, in their different colors representing their teams. saw the sponsors, pic-uk and metrobank, busy. and then it hit me, like a sudden jolt of lightning. the idea was infront of me the whole time and i was blind to have not seen it. in fact, i must been too pre-occupied with other stuff to take me this long. i now know what to do for the work experience that i need to build up on. following on my work experience in pnb, i can work for metrobank. i could also work for phish or bpi or allied bank and well the list goes on. it's all perfect to go into the world of finance. argh, and now summer is almost over. damn, what a waste of my summer. well, not totally. good things have happened this summer. now let me think. well there's ireland. there's barrio fiestas, one after the other. there have roadtrips and get-togethers. of course, new found friends and other stuff (i'm not gonna say. haha). i have to build up now on my resume for i'm sure when i'm in university, it's gonna be toxic. especially with my course. well atleast now, i've got something else to look forward to.

deja vu or coincidence, what's the difference?

dé·jà vu (dā'zhä vū')

n.
1. Psychology. The illusion of having already experienced something actually being experienced for the first time.

2. a. An impression of having seen or experienced something before: Old-timers watched the stock-market crash with a distinct sense of déjà vu.
b. Dull familiarity; monotony: the déjà vu of the tabloid headlines.

co·in·ci·dence (kō-ĭn'sĭ-dəns, -dĕns')

n.
1. The state or fact of occupying the same relative position or area in space.

2. A sequence of events that although accidental seems to have been planned or arranged.

+++++

things always happen for a reason - such a cliche. but it is actually true. most of the time, we just don't know what that reasons are. you find yourself being in the same situation like before. you find things to have happened before but with a different set-up. funny how life presents with situations you can't quite understand. you aren't quite sure how to comprehend or react. you look at the similarities of the different situations and wonder. you say to yourself: 'huh? how funny. is there something here? or are you just thinking there is because you want there to be something here?' you then take a step back. look at the bigger picture. and rethink your next move. so is it deja vu or coincidence? you decide.

random stuff for today: i'm not sure if today should be a memorable day because of all that has happened. but i think i'm okay with what had happened. all of it. i'm okay. hahaha. // i'm so happy with my results. i have been complaining about it all week. my hands were literally shaking when i was opening the envelope. and i got the shock of my life. well, not really my life. but it sure was a shock. i was so happy i could faint. i could actually hug and kiss anyone there. i felt i could do anything today. haha. i just felt so happy. i haven't been that happen for a while now. thank God for it. prayers sure did help. thanks for all those who believe i could do it and all those who prayed. thanks so much!! wanna hug you all. weee.. // my celebration was cut short when i got a headache. it stopped my happiness for a while. so i had to rest for a while. // have i talked about the last book of the harry potter series? uhm well, i loved it. all questions finally get answered. i actually thought it was the best possible ending without being all corny. i highly recommend those who have stuck with harry to read this. but of course, i really don't think i need to say that twice, do i? // to my kuya migs, you were actually right. haha! thanks. we have to talk soon. // i need sleep. i need rest. is this it?

i miss the drama.

i miss the drama. i simply go along the days with usual stuff from scholl to parents to planning the next gettogether. and it's all great. but there are those days where i fing it boring or quite much routine. those days, i so miss the drama. the sudden outbreak, or the sudden jump of the heart or emotions. the feeling of confusion over wierd stuff and situations happening which is hard to understand. you get to feel almost all kinds of emotions at the same time. you cry, you smile, you laugh, you shed a tear. you sometimes actually feel so alive for you get to really feel your heart beating. but then i realize, without the drama, life is much more peaceful. there's no need to hurry any decisions. you just enjoy each day and take your time with the people around you. you get the time to think things throughly and make the right decisions. you get to be just happy.

yes, i miss the drama. but i think i am much better off without it.

I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You

I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.

-Pablo Neruda

ambivalence.

there are just so many things i want to say. so many feelings inside me that just wants to burst out. everything is just building inside of me. and it's getting heavy. some days i felt that it would just burst out of me. because the load i carry is getting to much to handle.

i just want to say everything that's inside of me. i want to do all that i want without stopping myself. all i want is to think about myself. i don't want to have to think about who could get hurt and what consequences my actions and words could have.

but still i choose remain shut. i choose not to act on impulse or longing. i choose to act as if nothing's bothering. i remain quiet and smile. because that's the best for everyone. even if i let it all out now. even if i just let it flow. even if i don't stop myself from feeling the way i want to feel. even if everything were not kept inside of me. nothing will change. people could get hurt. i would just feel more hurt. people who aren't concerned in the situatuions would get hurt.

sometimes i just want to break and cry and get everything over with. no more lies, no more pretending, no more holding back. i want to scream it out or just cry while trying to get the message out through my loud sobs. but then again, no more tears should be shed.

so i just close my eyes. put my hands together and pray. for a better tomorrow. for all questions to be answered. for me and all who matter to me. for He knows best.

random.

something's wrong with me. something has come over me that i just control. it has to be stopped or should i just let it flow.

i was in a major state of nostalgia the other day. i found super old pictures from way back when. and all sorts of memories came back to me. both good and bad. each picture had a little story to tell. all the memories almost brought tears to my eyes. just like what my bestfriend said, a lot of things have changed and all of us along with it.

exam results are coming out in less than two weeks. and i don't whether i should be excited or scared. oh help me, i just want this over with.

lately, i was given the chance to go home to the Philippines. but then again, it was also taken away from me. and i don't whether i was happy or sad about it. i was sad because i wanted to go home. i was happy because.. because.. oh, i don't know anymore.

ram-ball. i love watching basketball. i love cheering my friends on. like back in high school. i usually watched my friend's or classmate's games and cheered at the sidelines. now i cheer for my dad and his team. they're not really good but i'm not saying they can't score baskets. i enjoy simply watching and cheering. especially when my dad shoots his 3 points. it's such an amazing moment. time stands still. everyone's just standing still to see if the shot goes in. and of course, i love watching him play. and i'm not refering to my dad. hehehe.

i finally done some things i should done ages ago. but i just couldn't. and now, after so long, i have. i don't understand why it took so long. and why only now. someone slap me, pinch me, shake me, wake me. then hug.

friend, i8u. you made me sad for a moment for a few reasons. don't do that again ha. hahahaha!

4 days of DINNER+DRINKS+VERY LATE NIGHTS = SICK ME.

and this is what you call rest.

rant

v., rant·ed, rant·ing, rants.
v.intr.
To speak or write in an angry or violent manner; rave.

It is something that usually happens in blogs. People write stuff in their blogs. They rant. In this such blog entries, feelings - emotions are just being poured out. When a person feels the urge to let it all out, all the words just come out naturally. There is no more thinking for the right words to say or how the words are to come out or how you want the sentence to sound like. Usually words unsaid and unheard are put into blogs for everyone to read. Of course, details may sometimes not be given out as to who the whole message is for. People who read it, just have so-called gut feelings that it is about them or who it really is for or about.

They do this because it is their way of letting it all out. Simply outpouring. While others cry, pick a fight, get drunk, smoke or talk. There is nothing wrong with it. It's some kind of therapy. It's some kind of communication bridge to get points across. To let everything out in the open without fear of the way people concerned would react. Things may get better or worse. While things can also just remain the same. Certain things also just end and are forgetten.

One common topic people usually rant about are relationships. It's really painful when romantic relationships end. However we never stop to think about when friendships end. Right now, I couldn't afford to lose a friend, any friend in my life. For certain reasons, some of us may have drifted apart for obvious reasons. But it doesn't mean the friendship between us has ended. Dealing with a broken friendship can be alot more messy and a lot more painful. This is something I have realized recently. It may not have happened to me personally but I understand how it feels. For I almost lose mine way back when.

Oh my, this entry is different from the others. It just seems so - so formal. Don't know if that's the right word to describe it. But just look at it. Argh. I think i woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. I'm just not myself and my feelings are just blank. Although my mind is just filled so many thoughts. Got nothing better to do than this. So just let me rant.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean For Your Love Life?

Your Birthdate: November 16

Calm and understated, you struggle to express your love with words. Over time, your partner learns to recognize your passion by the actions you take. You're good at wooing someone slowly, without them even realizing it! Number of True Loves You'll Have: 5 Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 1 You are most compatible with people born on the 7th, 16th, and 25th of the month.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean For Your Love Life?

reaction: hahahahaha! loved the number of times i'll have my heart broken and number of true loves. since it totally contradicts what has been said in the other entry on my birthday. hahahaha!

thoughts for today.

i thought summer is finally here. but when i woke up this morning, and looked out, i can hardly see the building at the other side. due to rain. pouring rain.

i thought the bad wierd dreams had stopped. but why do they keep coming back. it creeps me out. i don't want them anymore.

and lastly, i thought something's wrong with me today. what's happening to me? here i was watching a new couple together so sweet. and tears just started to fall. for no specific reason. they just did. after so long. and i couldn't stop it.

was it because i was happy for them?
did i miss that or somebody?
did i want that?
was i still sad?
did i want someone beside me now?

oh no, help.
can someone please tell me what is that all about?

what is in a name?

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose. By any other name would smell as sweet."

oh, i miss being called anakat (& nekat as well). nowadays, it's either anna or kat. never really said together. unless i chat or talk with a friend from back home. but that's not everday.

it's a common problem with people. to keep getting my name mixed up. sometimes it's annoying really. for example, it happened every retreat in high school. we used to give out retreat letters to our friends. and in all of the retreat letters i receive, the topic was either about my lovelife or math and 'have i spelled your name right?'. anakat is spelled like annakat or anakatt or even annakatt. well the same thing happens when spelling my name katrina, people spell with an 'h' (kathrina) or with a 'c' (catrina) or worse, with both (cathrina). oh my, my name has really so many versions. and that's just the spelling. imagine people calling me different names. like mixing me and my sister's names, and calling me carmina. then there's katherine, carmela, carmila. even my nickname has different version, hmm.. anadog, anacow, bananabat. (the funny ones.) and the list simply goes on and on.

well i guess that's how it is for everyone. maybe at the beginning atleast. most new people you meet would probably just know you by your face. or others just by your name. and maybe it's alot worse if people mistake you with another person.

i miss being called anakat. oh, did i say that already? i guess i just got so used to people calling me that. i miss introducing myself as anakat. now, it's 'hi, i'm anna.' or 'katrina po.' and of course, i respond to that now. it's just different. new life, new name, new person?

funny when i think about it, is that like they're two different people. actually it's like saying i have dual personalities, two lives. which i don't think i have for that's far too complicated. i just don't want anakat to be another memory. you know, i just don't want to go 'oh anakat, that's what people used to call me in high school, way back when.'

all in a day's work.

oh my, what a day! actually more like, what a weekend! this year's barrio fiesta in hounslow was so much fun. it was really tiring but i'm super happy.

where do i begin? hmm.. well, who doesn't fun in barrio fiestas? it's not only in the philippines where we filipinos enjoy fiestas. but it has been brought here to london as well. and that's one thing i like about this kind of events. you have loads of fun. this is the time where you get the chance to be around thousands of filipinos which make you feel like you're back home in the philippines. and you wouldn't feel so lost in a foreign land.

i was helping out in my dad's booth. and i enjoyed it. dealing with people. giving out fliers and souvenir packs. having them complimenting my work. going on the parade as well as sideline photographer. and at the same time, laughing, eating for free (ehem, partner, ehem..Ü), joking around and lots of bonding moments (sino may gusto ng masahe? uhm, john? hehe.Ü). all good fun happy memories. i'll gladly do it again next year, for simply wonderful things come out of it.

so while waiting for next year, right now, all i can think about is what happened this past weekend. and i can't help but smile. actually i simply can't stop. so i'll just put my feet up on my bed and rest for this will be such a sweet hangover.

harry potter stuns..

The Rebellion Begins. for Evil Must Be Confronted.

stupefy! wahaha.. just watched the 5th movie of harry potter with my friends. (namely veronica, sonia and marion. just in case, they complain i didn't put their names here. peace guys!Ü) and as of atleast five minutes ago, i've watched it twice. the second time online. anyways, it was a good movie. we only felt it was cut short. we wanted more. we expected more. especially from the ending. it was like, "oh my, it's finished already?" hahaha! it ended with harry potter saying "something worth fighting for". *sigh*

what else can i say about the movie? well, let's see. hmm.. the kiss between harry potter and cho chang? uhm, it was okay? hehe. oh, i like the room of requirement. i would have lots of uses for that room. hehehe. and harry potter. oh my, he was so skinny. and he seemed so small. hehe. and for a teenager in the film, he was wearing a lot of polo shirts that make him look so much older.

well i guess we were just so engrossed and so into the movie, we didn't talk much. aside from the occasional side comments and laughing. hehe. one more thing, i just feel sad i didn't get to finish my chicken. haha! oh well..Ü

What Kind of Smile are You?

You're the loving smile,the one that is entirely devoted to others,especially that one person.You really can't get them out of your head,but then,you don't really want to.

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all there is.

last day of college. i've finished my first year in college. everything turned out better than expected. after summer, 2nd year kicks in and then off to university. and that's another three years of my stay here. but this is not about the future. this is about looking back at the school year that has gone by. cherish the memories. that is something i have learned through the years. and something i keep doing these days. hay seems like yesterday i first came up those steps at hammersmith. and finally, after a year (well ten months to be exact.), i find myself walking down from the college and look around to know that i don't be here for atleast two months. it's no secret that i don't like my college. one thing all of us agree on but we sure are lucky enough to have each other in college. however, i would still miss it. during the short walk out of college, flashbacks of the year that has passed came to me. happy, sad, crazy, wierd, fun, promising, firsts, changes. and at the same time, kelly clarkson's breakaway was playing on my ipod. just the right feel-good song. with the wind blowing, i feel light. and i am happy.

so i say to the sky, rain on me now. for i wouldn't care. because just for today, nothing or no one can take that smile off my face.

another way saying so..

a note:

you want the truth and here it is. i don't know whether fate is trying to tell me something or God is simply testing my strength. i don't understand but somehow i always seem to be in your shadow. i'd be lying if i said i didn't want to be here because there's a part of me that wants to stay. however, whenever i'm with you, i know i can never be truly and completely happy. it's like i'm in some make-believe world that only exists for you and me. then when we're apart, we lead our different separate lives and then i am left all alone to face reality. it just doesn't seem right to waste my time and all my energy on something that's actually pretense and in reality would never ever mean anything to anyone. when we're together, it's like we're stuck at a particular moment in time, no movement forward towards the future or growth as individuals. and that scares me too much. i'm scared to let go. scared to wake up and face reality. scared to show too much emotions that would only make things worse for me in the long run. scared to know that in reality i would mean nothing to you and you would actually show it. it hurts too much. i'm tired. i'm tired of pretending, lying, waiting, hurting and wasting everything on you. i deserve to be truly and completely happy. and now, i know i can't find it with you. so if ever you do decide to go back to our artificial world, i'm telling you now that you won't find me there. so don't even try to waste your time waiting for someone to come. because the harsh truth of reality is that we were never meant to be in the first place. so this is goodbye.

agatha

what time is it?

no, this is not the lyrics to the song that's from the high school musical 2. neither is this entry gonna be about the movie. so what time is it people? it's time to celebrate. it's time to reminisce, to look back and think about what has happened. this may be a long and serious entry. but i do hope you take the time to read this through.

so it has been one year since i have been here. yes, it has been one year already. one year, twelve months, three hundred sixty five days. time really has just seemed to past by. and without realizing it, we're all grown up. so grown up. change is inevitable. and it's happening everyday. there are people who come and go in my life the past year. there are those who decided to stay and there are those who had to say goodbye. there are those who have been there eversince. there are those who grow apart. and there are those who just get closer. i guess this happens in everybody's life. there will always be changes. i guess it's our choice on how we handle and adjust to that changes.

it's really hard to live a diplomatic life. most people usually build most of their lives in one place. everything they know is there. but if you lead a diplomatic life, it's hard. your memories are everywhere and friends you make are hard. hard in the sense that it's always someone new. you always meet new friends. it's fun and really great however would you rather have many new acquaintances or one or two best friends? plus everyone's everywhere. almost every friend you meet has to leave and lead life at some other place. you become really good friends and yet you still have to part. it's really hard and one can never get used to that. another thing, people think it's easy living abroad beacuse you can get whatever you want. what they don't realize is that you are far from friends and family. the simple things in life that you want are complicated. and your old life is always almost forgetten. normally, you have to let go of your old life (which, trust me, is really really hard.) they say that it is all for the best and you get to have a better life. so here's a compromise. i lead a new life, with new adventures and fun. but i still keep the people who matter the most to me.

i may not love it here as much i love it back home. but i'm enjoying myself and having loads of fun. i'm beginning to like it here and slowly build a new life. i hope all of you can share and be a part of it. plus somehow, despite everything, i'm happy here.

just some little funny random things about life here:

• College and University are two different things. Yes, college comes first before university. College is two years while university is a minimum of three years. Aside from that, school is also different from those two. When you say school, it only means you are either in primary school or high school only. If you're in college, say college. Same thing for university. Never say you're in school when you're really in college. [Gets nyo?]


• You can see a 24-hour store that closes at 10pm.
• The weather is so unpredictable here. One time, it was sunny. Then, came hail. Then, it was sunny again. It then rained. After that, it was sunny again. Then, it snowed. And it became sunny again. Funny thing is this all happened in one day. Yes, London weather, so unpredictable, rubbish! Hahaha.
• There is a different price for eating in and take out for some restaurants and cafes. Yep, it's cheaper to take out.


• There is also different prices to watch a movie in a cinema. Yeah, it all depends what day you are watching a movie, as well as what time of day you're watching. (it's alot cheaper in the morning on a weekday.)


• Every shop is closed on Christmas Day. There isn't even any public transportation. The city becomes a ghost town. Sad. Same thing happens on New Year's Day.


• Stores close early on Sundays.
• Sudoku is addictive. It keeps you busy when you are bored. Whether on the train or bus or just walking, you can see someone doing it. If you solved one, be proud.
• The park is like the beach. Women can go sun-bathing in their bikini and guys go topless.
• Marks & Spencer here is like SM back home. (Rexona=Sure, Whisper=Always)
• Bus routes are all timed and according to schedule.


• If you say you want chips, it means you want fries. Chips such as pringles are called crisps. Please don't confuse yourself.


• If you hear the siren of a police car or an embulance, watch as all cars and buses give way to them even when there's traffic.
• In summer, the sun sets at 10pm. In winter, the sun rises at around 6am and sets at around 3pm.
  
• Time difference between Philippines and London is 7 hours. 7 hours in the summer while 8 hours in winter. You guys are ahead. Please remember that. Haha!

before i finish, here are my special thanks:

to those who tried to keep in touch but however couldn't for whatever reason. i understand we're all busy and it may be costly. and i don't really mind. although there are still times i can't help but feel sad and lonely and so left out. i just know that the friendship will always be there. hope you guys feel the same. and hope to catch up with you soon.

to those who have come and gone in this past year. thanks for the time we have spent together eventhough it was only for a short while. it was special and different. during a short while, i have learned and realized different things. in some ways, it has helped me to grow as a person. probably there's something to be learned and that's why you passed by in my life. i hope we see each other again in the future. plus i hope you still remember me when that time comes.

to those who are new in my life and yet has been such a blessing. to those who i haven't met but have been such good friends. thanks for the friendship and the love. you showed me a different kind of friendship. and i can't thank you enough for accepting me for who i am and being such wonderful people. you have put up with all my stories and the tears (and the drama). thanks for all the fun, crazy, different, cherished moments. let's have lots more. and during the short time we have spent together, you have been such good and real friends. may our friendship last wherever we are.

to those who kept in touch throughout the year. to those who have gone through the trouble of reaching out to me. to those who have proved to be real friends to me and showed me the value of true friendship. you all know who you are already. thanks for all the text messages, emails, comments and instant messaging. (sana may cards, calls or gifts na sa susunod. hahaha! joke.) somehow it lessens my feeling of homesickness. especially when you share all your stories and trust your problems with me. or when you devote some of your time in your busy lives just for me. thanks also for understanding my choices (with you-know-what.) and sticking with me. it has come and gone but we are still here. plus sorry if some times, i drop some drama on you guys. it still is hard sometimes. we may be oceans apart but it wouldn't stop us from being each other's witnesses. may you never get tired of keeping in touch. and may our true friendship have no end. amen!

to those reading this. thanks for your time. take care.

to everyone who cares. i miss you all so much. i love you guys! muwah!

note to self: happy aniv to me! one year down, five years to go. in no time, i'll be back home. yey me! plus there's no reason stopping me from going back. well atleast, not yet.

out of sheer boredom.

saw this online. they said it was some cool math trick. you be the judge.

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