i fall again

you think it was gonna be your typical friday - boring, in front of the computer, just at home. and you find out you're completely, absolutely, terribly wrong.

yes, i fell down again. this time, harder than ever. nothing in life is ever easy to get. people may think that all that i want is within my reach. but they're wrong. it's not easy. expectations are higher. goals are higher. more pressure is added. just because people know that i can go far and i will, doesn't mean that getting far is easy. today i got another slap from reality. my heart sank when i heard the bad news. my breathing was getting uneasy and i called up one of my best friends. and when she answered, i just broke down. i couldn't control my emotions and my tears. i haven't felt that way and cried that hard since my last breakup. i haven't been this affected since last year. i almost forgot how it felt.

i have calmed down now. i think i have let it all out. one time, big time. got big hugs from my sister. i know my tears wouldn't change anything. but now i can think clearer. i can see clearly what i need to do to turn things around and make them go my way. for tonight, let me just get a much needed sleep.

the thing that i find funny about all this is what my horoscope said today. it goes like this: "It's not important that it's friday or that it's february or that it's 2008. Think about your future and plan ahead. Anything that happens today will have no significance and will be irrelevant." hmm.. should i take this as coincidence or does this have another meaning? should i just forget what happened today and shrug it off? should i not care about it coz it doesn't matter? thinking about it, it's funny how most answers from the love book and even my horoscopes actually make sense and have meaning. and they actually relate to my personal life. i take that as my guidance from above. because only He knows best. and it's true. *sigh*

so i'll just end this with a quote dedicated to myself for a more optimistic view filled with more hope for a brighter tomorrow. "Trusting God is a strange thing. We have a hard time bringing ourselves to do it, and yet when there's nothing else left, it always works." i trust Him. always have, always will.