Thursday, 17 January 2008

i took the first step but i stumbled and fell. should i still stand up?

that's the question i ask myself now. after all that hard work (plus it wasn't at all free.), this is what i get. ok, so i shouldn't be complaining. i wasn't really expecting anything so that when i get to this outcome, i wouldn't feel too much hurt or disappointment. but i forget the most painful part of all this - telling everyone else.

everyone just had so high hopes and expectations. sorry. you see, this is somewhat the scenario i get. after i tell the truth, they are just shocked. then they ask me, 'are you sure?' which of course i am. then they shake their head and start questioning everything that happened until that point. some try to comfort me while others are just frustrated at the outcome that they think of ways or so-called 'strategies' to fix things. me, well, i just shrug it off. sometimes this just feels like they are simply adding insult to injury. just ouch..

to all those who know me know that it doesn't really bother me now. but to those who know better, uhm well..they would question everything. they would tell me to fight for it. and be like 'why give it all up when you've done so much?' and say i deserve it and all that. the only thing i guess they don't get is that i already know i deserve it and i'm worth all that. but can something really done for things that you know weren't meant to be?

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