rant

v., rant·ed, rant·ing, rants.
v.intr.
To speak or write in an angry or violent manner; rave.

It is something that usually happens in blogs. People write stuff in their blogs. They rant. In this such blog entries, feelings - emotions are just being poured out. When a person feels the urge to let it all out, all the words just come out naturally. There is no more thinking for the right words to say or how the words are to come out or how you want the sentence to sound like. Usually words unsaid and unheard are put into blogs for everyone to read. Of course, details may sometimes not be given out as to who the whole message is for. People who read it, just have so-called gut feelings that it is about them or who it really is for or about.

They do this because it is their way of letting it all out. Simply outpouring. While others cry, pick a fight, get drunk, smoke or talk. There is nothing wrong with it. It's some kind of therapy. It's some kind of communication bridge to get points across. To let everything out in the open without fear of the way people concerned would react. Things may get better or worse. While things can also just remain the same. Certain things also just end and are forgetten.

One common topic people usually rant about are relationships. It's really painful when romantic relationships end. However we never stop to think about when friendships end. Right now, I couldn't afford to lose a friend, any friend in my life. For certain reasons, some of us may have drifted apart for obvious reasons. But it doesn't mean the friendship between us has ended. Dealing with a broken friendship can be alot more messy and a lot more painful. This is something I have realized recently. It may not have happened to me personally but I understand how it feels. For I almost lose mine way back when.

Oh my, this entry is different from the others. It just seems so - so formal. Don't know if that's the right word to describe it. But just look at it. Argh. I think i woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. I'm just not myself and my feelings are just blank. Although my mind is just filled so many thoughts. Got nothing better to do than this. So just let me rant.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean For Your Love Life?

Your Birthdate: November 16

Calm and understated, you struggle to express your love with words. Over time, your partner learns to recognize your passion by the actions you take. You're good at wooing someone slowly, without them even realizing it! Number of True Loves You'll Have: 5 Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 1 You are most compatible with people born on the 7th, 16th, and 25th of the month.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean For Your Love Life?

reaction: hahahahaha! loved the number of times i'll have my heart broken and number of true loves. since it totally contradicts what has been said in the other entry on my birthday. hahahaha!

thoughts for today.

i thought summer is finally here. but when i woke up this morning, and looked out, i can hardly see the building at the other side. due to rain. pouring rain.

i thought the bad wierd dreams had stopped. but why do they keep coming back. it creeps me out. i don't want them anymore.

and lastly, i thought something's wrong with me today. what's happening to me? here i was watching a new couple together so sweet. and tears just started to fall. for no specific reason. they just did. after so long. and i couldn't stop it.

was it because i was happy for them?
did i miss that or somebody?
did i want that?
was i still sad?
did i want someone beside me now?

oh no, help.
can someone please tell me what is that all about?

what is in a name?

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose. By any other name would smell as sweet."

oh, i miss being called anakat (& nekat as well). nowadays, it's either anna or kat. never really said together. unless i chat or talk with a friend from back home. but that's not everday.

it's a common problem with people. to keep getting my name mixed up. sometimes it's annoying really. for example, it happened every retreat in high school. we used to give out retreat letters to our friends. and in all of the retreat letters i receive, the topic was either about my lovelife or math and 'have i spelled your name right?'. anakat is spelled like annakat or anakatt or even annakatt. well the same thing happens when spelling my name katrina, people spell with an 'h' (kathrina) or with a 'c' (catrina) or worse, with both (cathrina). oh my, my name has really so many versions. and that's just the spelling. imagine people calling me different names. like mixing me and my sister's names, and calling me carmina. then there's katherine, carmela, carmila. even my nickname has different version, hmm.. anadog, anacow, bananabat. (the funny ones.) and the list simply goes on and on.

well i guess that's how it is for everyone. maybe at the beginning atleast. most new people you meet would probably just know you by your face. or others just by your name. and maybe it's alot worse if people mistake you with another person.

i miss being called anakat. oh, did i say that already? i guess i just got so used to people calling me that. i miss introducing myself as anakat. now, it's 'hi, i'm anna.' or 'katrina po.' and of course, i respond to that now. it's just different. new life, new name, new person?

funny when i think about it, is that like they're two different people. actually it's like saying i have dual personalities, two lives. which i don't think i have for that's far too complicated. i just don't want anakat to be another memory. you know, i just don't want to go 'oh anakat, that's what people used to call me in high school, way back when.'

all in a day's work.

oh my, what a day! actually more like, what a weekend! this year's barrio fiesta in hounslow was so much fun. it was really tiring but i'm super happy.

where do i begin? hmm.. well, who doesn't fun in barrio fiestas? it's not only in the philippines where we filipinos enjoy fiestas. but it has been brought here to london as well. and that's one thing i like about this kind of events. you have loads of fun. this is the time where you get the chance to be around thousands of filipinos which make you feel like you're back home in the philippines. and you wouldn't feel so lost in a foreign land.

i was helping out in my dad's booth. and i enjoyed it. dealing with people. giving out fliers and souvenir packs. having them complimenting my work. going on the parade as well as sideline photographer. and at the same time, laughing, eating for free (ehem, partner, ehem..Ü), joking around and lots of bonding moments (sino may gusto ng masahe? uhm, john? hehe.Ü). all good fun happy memories. i'll gladly do it again next year, for simply wonderful things come out of it.

so while waiting for next year, right now, all i can think about is what happened this past weekend. and i can't help but smile. actually i simply can't stop. so i'll just put my feet up on my bed and rest for this will be such a sweet hangover.

harry potter stuns..

The Rebellion Begins. for Evil Must Be Confronted.

stupefy! wahaha.. just watched the 5th movie of harry potter with my friends. (namely veronica, sonia and marion. just in case, they complain i didn't put their names here. peace guys!Ü) and as of atleast five minutes ago, i've watched it twice. the second time online. anyways, it was a good movie. we only felt it was cut short. we wanted more. we expected more. especially from the ending. it was like, "oh my, it's finished already?" hahaha! it ended with harry potter saying "something worth fighting for". *sigh*

what else can i say about the movie? well, let's see. hmm.. the kiss between harry potter and cho chang? uhm, it was okay? hehe. oh, i like the room of requirement. i would have lots of uses for that room. hehehe. and harry potter. oh my, he was so skinny. and he seemed so small. hehe. and for a teenager in the film, he was wearing a lot of polo shirts that make him look so much older.

well i guess we were just so engrossed and so into the movie, we didn't talk much. aside from the occasional side comments and laughing. hehe. one more thing, i just feel sad i didn't get to finish my chicken. haha! oh well..Ü

What Kind of Smile are You?

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all there is.

last day of college. i've finished my first year in college. everything turned out better than expected. after summer, 2nd year kicks in and then off to university. and that's another three years of my stay here. but this is not about the future. this is about looking back at the school year that has gone by. cherish the memories. that is something i have learned through the years. and something i keep doing these days. hay seems like yesterday i first came up those steps at hammersmith. and finally, after a year (well ten months to be exact.), i find myself walking down from the college and look around to know that i don't be here for atleast two months. it's no secret that i don't like my college. one thing all of us agree on but we sure are lucky enough to have each other in college. however, i would still miss it. during the short walk out of college, flashbacks of the year that has passed came to me. happy, sad, crazy, wierd, fun, promising, firsts, changes. and at the same time, kelly clarkson's breakaway was playing on my ipod. just the right feel-good song. with the wind blowing, i feel light. and i am happy.

so i say to the sky, rain on me now. for i wouldn't care. because just for today, nothing or no one can take that smile off my face.

another way saying so..

a note:

you want the truth and here it is. i don't know whether fate is trying to tell me something or God is simply testing my strength. i don't understand but somehow i always seem to be in your shadow. i'd be lying if i said i didn't want to be here because there's a part of me that wants to stay. however, whenever i'm with you, i know i can never be truly and completely happy. it's like i'm in some make-believe world that only exists for you and me. then when we're apart, we lead our different separate lives and then i am left all alone to face reality. it just doesn't seem right to waste my time and all my energy on something that's actually pretense and in reality would never ever mean anything to anyone. when we're together, it's like we're stuck at a particular moment in time, no movement forward towards the future or growth as individuals. and that scares me too much. i'm scared to let go. scared to wake up and face reality. scared to show too much emotions that would only make things worse for me in the long run. scared to know that in reality i would mean nothing to you and you would actually show it. it hurts too much. i'm tired. i'm tired of pretending, lying, waiting, hurting and wasting everything on you. i deserve to be truly and completely happy. and now, i know i can't find it with you. so if ever you do decide to go back to our artificial world, i'm telling you now that you won't find me there. so don't even try to waste your time waiting for someone to come. because the harsh truth of reality is that we were never meant to be in the first place. so this is goodbye.

agatha

what time is it?

no, this is not the lyrics to the song that's from the high school musical 2. neither is this entry gonna be about the movie. so what time is it people? it's time to celebrate. it's time to reminisce, to look back and think about what has happened. this may be a long and serious entry. but i do hope you take the time to read this through.

so it has been one year since i have been here. yes, it has been one year already. one year, twelve months, three hundred sixty five days. time really has just seemed to past by. and without realizing it, we're all grown up. so grown up. change is inevitable. and it's happening everyday. there are people who come and go in my life the past year. there are those who decided to stay and there are those who had to say goodbye. there are those who have been there eversince. there are those who grow apart. and there are those who just get closer. i guess this happens in everybody's life. there will always be changes. i guess it's our choice on how we handle and adjust to that changes.

it's really hard to live a diplomatic life. most people usually build most of their lives in one place. everything they know is there. but if you lead a diplomatic life, it's hard. your memories are everywhere and friends you make are hard. hard in the sense that it's always someone new. you always meet new friends. it's fun and really great however would you rather have many new acquaintances or one or two best friends? plus everyone's everywhere. almost every friend you meet has to leave and lead life at some other place. you become really good friends and yet you still have to part. it's really hard and one can never get used to that. another thing, people think it's easy living abroad beacuse you can get whatever you want. what they don't realize is that you are far from friends and family. the simple things in life that you want are complicated. and your old life is always almost forgetten. normally, you have to let go of your old life (which, trust me, is really really hard.) they say that it is all for the best and you get to have a better life. so here's a compromise. i lead a new life, with new adventures and fun. but i still keep the people who matter the most to me.

i may not love it here as much i love it back home. but i'm enjoying myself and having loads of fun. i'm beginning to like it here and slowly build a new life. i hope all of you can share and be a part of it. plus somehow, despite everything, i'm happy here.

just some little funny random things about life here:

• College and University are two different things. Yes, college comes first before university. College is two years while university is a minimum of three years. Aside from that, school is also different from those two. When you say school, it only means you are either in primary school or high school only. If you're in college, say college. Same thing for university. Never say you're in school when you're really in college. [Gets nyo?]


• You can see a 24-hour store that closes at 10pm.
• The weather is so unpredictable here. One time, it was sunny. Then, came hail. Then, it was sunny again. It then rained. After that, it was sunny again. Then, it snowed. And it became sunny again. Funny thing is this all happened in one day. Yes, London weather, so unpredictable, rubbish! Hahaha.
• There is a different price for eating in and take out for some restaurants and cafes. Yep, it's cheaper to take out.


• There is also different prices to watch a movie in a cinema. Yeah, it all depends what day you are watching a movie, as well as what time of day you're watching. (it's alot cheaper in the morning on a weekday.)


• Every shop is closed on Christmas Day. There isn't even any public transportation. The city becomes a ghost town. Sad. Same thing happens on New Year's Day.


• Stores close early on Sundays.
• Sudoku is addictive. It keeps you busy when you are bored. Whether on the train or bus or just walking, you can see someone doing it. If you solved one, be proud.
• The park is like the beach. Women can go sun-bathing in their bikini and guys go topless.
• Marks & Spencer here is like SM back home. (Rexona=Sure, Whisper=Always)
• Bus routes are all timed and according to schedule.


• If you say you want chips, it means you want fries. Chips such as pringles are called crisps. Please don't confuse yourself.


• If you hear the siren of a police car or an embulance, watch as all cars and buses give way to them even when there's traffic.
• In summer, the sun sets at 10pm. In winter, the sun rises at around 6am and sets at around 3pm.
  
• Time difference between Philippines and London is 7 hours. 7 hours in the summer while 8 hours in winter. You guys are ahead. Please remember that. Haha!

before i finish, here are my special thanks:

to those who tried to keep in touch but however couldn't for whatever reason. i understand we're all busy and it may be costly. and i don't really mind. although there are still times i can't help but feel sad and lonely and so left out. i just know that the friendship will always be there. hope you guys feel the same. and hope to catch up with you soon.

to those who have come and gone in this past year. thanks for the time we have spent together eventhough it was only for a short while. it was special and different. during a short while, i have learned and realized different things. in some ways, it has helped me to grow as a person. probably there's something to be learned and that's why you passed by in my life. i hope we see each other again in the future. plus i hope you still remember me when that time comes.

to those who are new in my life and yet has been such a blessing. to those who i haven't met but have been such good friends. thanks for the friendship and the love. you showed me a different kind of friendship. and i can't thank you enough for accepting me for who i am and being such wonderful people. you have put up with all my stories and the tears (and the drama). thanks for all the fun, crazy, different, cherished moments. let's have lots more. and during the short time we have spent together, you have been such good and real friends. may our friendship last wherever we are.

to those who kept in touch throughout the year. to those who have gone through the trouble of reaching out to me. to those who have proved to be real friends to me and showed me the value of true friendship. you all know who you are already. thanks for all the text messages, emails, comments and instant messaging. (sana may cards, calls or gifts na sa susunod. hahaha! joke.) somehow it lessens my feeling of homesickness. especially when you share all your stories and trust your problems with me. or when you devote some of your time in your busy lives just for me. thanks also for understanding my choices (with you-know-what.) and sticking with me. it has come and gone but we are still here. plus sorry if some times, i drop some drama on you guys. it still is hard sometimes. we may be oceans apart but it wouldn't stop us from being each other's witnesses. may you never get tired of keeping in touch. and may our true friendship have no end. amen!

to those reading this. thanks for your time. take care.

to everyone who cares. i miss you all so much. i love you guys! muwah!

note to self: happy aniv to me! one year down, five years to go. in no time, i'll be back home. yey me! plus there's no reason stopping me from going back. well atleast, not yet.

out of sheer boredom.

saw this online. they said it was some cool math trick. you be the judge.

Are you a genius?

Are you a genius? Your Result: Smartie You are very smart and love to read. You tend to be on the quiet side. Any book is a good book and you tend to be at the top of the class. A+ is you average grade...
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PIRATES ROCKS! I LOVE IT!

At the End of the World, the Adventure Begins

i watched the movie today with veronica and we just loved it. we decided in just 5mins to watch it. haha. (let's do it again very! next time we will switch cinemas. haha!) it was a cool movie. i love johnny depp. captain jack sparrow was so witty. funny part with him was seeing himself so many times. on the ship and when he was prisoner of the dutchmen. it was quite funny.

'"nobody move! i dropped my brain."
"it's just good business"
"you may throw my hat if you wish. now go and get it."
"we must fight, to run away! "
"cruel is a matter of perspective."
"if you choose to lock your heart away you'll lose her for certain."
"close your eyes and pretend it's all a bad dream. that's how I get by." (i love this.)

and of course, there was his signature flight with the rope. saw it quite a few times in the movie. i love orlando bloom. he's so cute. i love the part when he and keira knightly were getting married. the wedding scene was just so amusing. hahaha. it was when they were fighting, at the war scene. all of sudden, in between fights, he was pulling her to him and asking her to marry him and wedding vows. even captain barbosa was in on it as he was the one who wed the two.

just some quotable quotes from the movie:

"for certain, you have to be lost to find places that can't be found. elseways, everyone would know where it was." (veronica's favorite line.)
"this is madness. this is politics."
"you can fight and all of you will die, or you can surrender in which case only most of you will die."
"what is it you want the most?"
"i will be free. and when I am, i would give you my heart. and we would be together always...if only you had a heart to give."
"it's not about living forever,.....it's about living forever with yourself."
"no course is lost if but one fool is left to fight."
"the world's a smaller place now....no mate, the world's the same - there's just less in it."
"it (my heart) was always yours...will you keep it safe?"
"dying is the day worth living for."
"our fates were always intertwined,...but never joined. "
"i love you. i've made my choice. what's yours?"

it's a great movie to watch. cool. i recommend that you do. it's worth it. astig.

to those who wouldn't like it, boo you! i so want this movie on dvd.

which HERO are you?

Your Score: Simone Deveaux

You scored 66 Idealism, 45 Nonconformity, 20 Nerdiness

You think you can paint the future. Fine, paint one without me.
Congratulations, you're Simone Deveaux! You are a loving, dedicated person with a variety of creative interests. You may however, fall in love a little too easily.

Your best quality: You are a romantic
Your worst quality: You are a romantic

Link: The Heroes Personality Test written by freedomdegrees on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test

ain't no sense in that

i look out. it's getting dark. the moon's beginning to shed it's light. i'm starting to feel cold. i feel the wind on my skin. it's such a nice feeling. i close my eyes. and imagine i'm floating. somewhere lying between the clouds. i feel light. like a big weight has been taken from me. no worries, no pain, no hurt, no sadness. i feel calm and relaxed. and then, i open my eyes. all there was a teardrop and a smile.

which Superhero are you?

Your results:
You are Superman

Superman 70% Robin 57% Spider-Man 55% Wonder Woman 55% Green Lantern 55% Supergirl 55% The Flash 50% Hulk 45% Iron Man 45% Batman 30% Catwoman 25%

You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

just saying so

finals have started this week. my first exam would be on monday. maths. and believe it or not, i'm nervous and scared. hahahaay. after that, summer sets in. and earlier, my dad was talking about planning his schedule for the summer. and he was talking about europe, especially paris. woohoo! eiffel tower and disneyland! hihihi! exciting. but then, what about going home and visiting? maybe if this happened three weeks ago, i would have whined about going home and push it to happen. but now, i find it wierd. i'm confused. do you think it's a good idea to not go home for a while and maybe in another year or two? do you think that this is for the best? maybe it's just what i need. but then, i would have missed out on so much more.

time to vote

election day! weee! i don't know why i sound so excited when i'm not actually registered to vote. my dad totally forgot all about it. so no one's actually registered to vote at our house now. tsk tsk.. what a waste of six votes. haha. but anyway, it still excites me because of the counting of votes. yes, that's what i am here at the philemb for. i have been watching them as they check the ballots to see if they're valid, invalid, questionable or spoiled. then after they have done so, they start counting the votes. it's a three man team and alternating shifts. one says the name on the ballots. the other tallies the votes on the small tally sheet while the third member writes on the giant tally sheet for all to see. it's all so cool to see the tally sheet up close and personal. first time.

actually i just kid around and say that i'm here for the food. yes, free food. haha. but it's so nice to help them once in a while and being here keeps my mind of other things. it's so fun staying up late because i'm waiting for the final results here in london. although at some point while watching them, it still gets boring. so from time to time, i go to my dad's office and watched 300 online. cool movie. so overall, i just love today. and believe it or not, i'm having fun. weee..

oh, before i forget. it's really amusing to see my dad on televison as well. catch him here on tv patrol. just click the link below. fyi: to those who haven't seen my dad, he's the guy in the black suit carrying the ballot boxes around. the news clip starts at 2:18. bonus, you get to see the inside of the philemb residence. enjoy. haha.

http://www.zshare.net/video/513-tpol02-wmv.html

wave as time passes by

time flies by so fast. this, we should all realize by now. for me, it's amazing that in one month, i have lived in the u.k for a year now. it all seems unbelievable. one year has gone by so quickly and many things have changed.

looking back, way way back, we used to be playing hide-and-seek and tag and barbie dolls and text and jackstones and all the other games we play when we were young. actually, it's better to say, when we were younger.

all day long, i have been playing with kids. even taking care of them. one was even calling me mommy. gahd, that felt old at that moment. hahaha. but atleast it lets the parents know i can be trusted. anyway, playing with the kids reminded me how fun and carefree life used to be. we just wanted to have fun and that was all that mattered.

if we are happy, we jump for joy. if we want something, we can just someone older to get it for us. if we are hurt, we simply cry. and when we cry, someone's ready to wipe our tears and comfort us. the simple life. it all seems so long ago. something like ten years ago. and look at ourselves now. i think of friends and we all are so-grown-up.

in a year or so, some of my friends are graduating from college and would venture out into the 'real' world. they would be working by then and earning money on their own. no more parents to tell us to study our lessons and do our homework. i have experienced how it is to work. yes, me, work. some are already busy doing duties and on-the-job training. sooner or later, we would all be out there. and it isn't a joke anymore. nothing would be a joke anymore. no more trials, just the real thing.

everything's changing so fast. everything's happening so soon. and it seems so surreal. someone pinch me. i must be dreaming.

love at a distance

today's happenings lead me to think about relationships and movies. why is it that usually, it's the leading man who has to go away and leave the leading lady behind. so it's usually the girl who ends up waiting in vain for her so-called mr. right to return. sometimes he does. sometimes he doesn't. love can be so unfair. when everything is going right, life just has a funny way of letting good things come to an end. [note: i just love nelly furtado's song called 'all good things (come to an end)'. i just looove it. ]

there was once a time i believed or more likely, wanted this guy to be the one. but somehow, deep down inside, i know i was just trying to convince myself that he was actually the one. somehow i was just making believe in something i know can never really happen. the truth be told, he can never be the guy right for me. i need someone who can handle my personality and understand my complexity as a person. personally, i don't really have high expectations at all. but one thing the guy must understand is the life i lead. there are quite a few secrets he has to handle and learn to deal with. there are things that not everyone goes through and though you reading this now may not understand, it's simply put to be a complicated situation. likewise, the guy must have a backbone and actually stick to whatever says.

there should be no second thoughts. no second chances. no trials. one time, big time. no turning back.