Sunday, 23 March 2008

story long overdue with a dream slowly fading

26.02.08 23:59

tick tock tick tock. and now it's midnight. and it only means one thing.

year after year, on this same date, she would always looks back to realize what has happened and what has changed. and obviously, alot has definitely changed. back then, life was simplier. she was still in her hometown. now she is in a foreign land chasing her dreams. other people had to be left behind in order for this change in her life. there were things she had to put aside and sadly, he was one of them.

four years. amazingly it has been four years. who knew four years would pass by so fast? four years of caring for someone else. no ordinary friend but still not as important as a loved one. care is now the emotion that used to be love. yes, it's no longer love. she's sure of that. or atleast for now coz there's only one way to be sure.

one of the reasons she holds on to the memories so tight is because she believes that memories are the only things that don't change when everything does. and at this moment, she realizes how different she is as well, how she has changed, how she has matured, how she has grown up. no longer the little girl who would cry easily because of an overflow of her emotions. maybe it's about time too that she stop thinking about this every year.

27.02.08 08:35

she woke up with a strange feeling. maybe it's because she had a strange dream. she hasn't had a dream about him for the longest time now. she used to dream about him alot. she could see his face so clearly and his every touch felt so real to her. every rush of emotion was so real that if she actually said 'pinch me', she might wake up. but there's a huge difference, she can't really see his face. she knows it's him but his face has become such a blur. everytime she tries to remember the dream, she finds it hard to see his face. it's no longer the same anymore. she can't feel him. in fact, she doesn't feel anything knowing that he was near in her dream.

maybe the feelings are no longer there. with time, distance and space, it actually has disappeared. (or possibly just really weakened.) the feeling of wanting, of longing. the feeling of hurting and bitterness. the feeling of being in love and of love itself. to be honest, she feels like they have become nothing else but strangers.

when one lights a candle, what will be left is wax. when one burns paper, all that is left is ashes. but for the fire in her heart brought about by the emotion of love, what's left for her is the genuine feeling of care and concern. she has learned that it's not totally possible to forget someone who has been a significant part of her life. and to her, he'll always be migs. whether or not he has shown that part of him to someone else, she'll probably never know but still would like to thank him for the chance of meeting him. because of that, he'll always be migs to her. and she'll always be his agatha. she still cares and probably always will, eventhough she might choose not to show it. and for what it's worth, she'll always be thinking of him.

No comments: