i miss being six

i miss being six. i miss being a kid. i miss being young(-er. i miss being younger.).

why?

because when i was six, all that mattered was playing and having fun. ignorance and innocence about life was still there. it was the time you could play house with a boy without having to think the boy will still be there tomorrow to play house again. of course, you could easily find someone else to play house with and obviously there was no emotional attachment. it was the time you could sit alone at home having tea with all our stuff toys and not realize about how lonely you are or not think that you are such a loser playing only with toys. so what, you are still having fun, right? it was the time you could always depend on mommy or daddy to give you what you wanted. nothing was to be earned and all was just to be given to you. life was easy. just like what was said in high school musical, "Do you remember in kindergarten,how you'd meet a kid, and know nothing about them, then 10 seconds later you'd be playing like you were best friends, because you didn't have to be anyone but yourself?" simple.

but now, there are more things that matter: school, work, family, friends, relationships, even money. ignorance and innocence are slowly losing their meanings. boys are no longer just playmates. you cry, you hurt, you look for them. emotions now get in the way. friendship is no longer easy to gain as well. there are words such as stereotypes or status quo in which you have to fit in or belong to. i'm at an age where sooner or later, i would be living out on my own. earning money to pay for everything - from living expenses to food. independence steps in and you are now the sole person in control of your life. no longer the simple, easy, carefree life you onced have. the price for growing up.

right now, i'm really busy with college work - all those presentations, projects and even upcoming exams. i try my very best to find time for myself - to relax and have fun. today, i had a wonderful time with my friends. today, i forget everything else. for moments, i would just go crazy and wild. it didn't matter to me if i was making a complete fool of myself but i knew i was in good company that wouldn't be thinking that way. i could dance and sing like a drunk idiot. i could pretend to be singing,with a serving spoon in the kitchen while cleaning up, to a song that i totally love but do not know all the lyrics except the chorus. i could have balloons fights with my friends as if we were at war and can't stop myself from not laughing out so loud. i could sing all this ridiculously cute and funny songs and know all the lyrics. i didn't have anything else on my mind except the fact that i was having so much fun.

i want more days like that. i want a day where i could just escape my everyday life and nothing else would matter but for me to have fun and be happy. i want my happy place. something that actually exist, not something that i close my eyes to see. i want a day where i don't pretend to be all grown up.