Monday, 27 August 2007

those three words..

it has been two years. but she remembers it like yesterday. she was in her room just watching tv. it was close to midnight and she wasn't the least bit sleepy. yet. then her phone vibrated. her heart gave a leap. it was from someone she didn't expect but was still hopeful to hear from. her heart was now beating fast. she was nervous and scared. unsure whether to answer it or not. out of respect, she did.

there was a faint "hello" from the other end of the line. and he asked "how are you?". "fine," was all she could say and while fighting back the tears, she asked, "why did you call? what do you want?" nothing could have prepared her for what happened next. in the few seconds that passed, "i love you," he said. "i still love you."

and on that note, her tears fell non-stop. we always look forward to hear those three words from the person that means the most to us. but never in her life did those three words hurt her more than that moment. it stung her heart. why? why was he back? why is he doing this? why now? was he telling the truth? was he just lonely and needed someone in his life? was this real? why? why? she was staring blankly at the tv trying keep her mind off the situation while still holding her phone. her mind was somehow flying. she didn't know how to react. she realized she's been waiting to hear that again eversince they had a falling out. but why then, was it so damn painful? those tears weren't tears of joy or relief. those were tears of sadness, of pain and hurt, lots of it. it was like a stab in the heart. however, she was also wanting that. she had been waiting for that.

"stop crying. oh please, stop crying," came from the person at the other end. "see, i always seem to make you cry."
"well, can't you see i'm still hurting? i'm trying my best to move on and you come back to me and tell me these. what do you expect me to do?"
"uhm, well then, do you still love me? do you feel the same way still?"
"huh? i.. uhm, i don't know."
"i don't know is not a proper answer. it's a simple question. do you still have feelings for me? yes or no?"

she gave in to her feelings. she followed her heart despite being scared of getting hurt. and the rest, well is history to her. for now, it is just a bittersweet memory.

despite of that, she will never ever forget the feeling. the feeling of how those three words could ever hurt her in that way.

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