there are just so many things i want to say. so many feelings inside me that just wants to burst out. everything is just building inside of me. and it's getting heavy. some days i felt that it would just burst out of me. because the load i carry is getting to much to handle.
i just want to say everything that's inside of me. i want to do all that i want without stopping myself. all i want is to think about myself. i don't want to have to think about who could get hurt and what consequences my actions and words could have.
but still i choose remain shut. i choose not to act on impulse or longing. i choose to act as if nothing's bothering. i remain quiet and smile. because that's the best for everyone. even if i let it all out now. even if i just let it flow. even if i don't stop myself from feeling the way i want to feel. even if everything were not kept inside of me. nothing will change. people could get hurt. i would just feel more hurt. people who aren't concerned in the situatuions would get hurt.
sometimes i just want to break and cry and get everything over with. no more lies, no more pretending, no more holding back. i want to scream it out or just cry while trying to get the message out through my loud sobs. but then again, no more tears should be shed.
so i just close my eyes. put my hands together and pray. for a better tomorrow. for all questions to be answered. for me and all who matter to me. for He knows best.