on being a friend and a girl

it's been said that:
It hurts to fall in love with a friend. You keep on hiding your feelings, avoiding it as much as you can until you cry your heart out...all out of fear of losing a friend and a love you never had.

and my friends have said to let emotions take control. they said that it's bad to not let emotions flow. but it's easier said than done. no, actually it's quite easy to let emotions take control. but the consequences, the effects, the outcomes and the changes that happen, all which are unpredictable is the scary worrying bit. the uncertainty of the unknown, the future. the world is full of endless possibilities and lots of what-if's.

i've longed so much for this feeling. to like someone new. to get over my ex-boyfriend. and it has happened. but who would have realised that i would lose that guy to my best friend. and they are two of my closest friends. and though to them, their closeness, seems just like they're just really close and comfortable with each other.

as a friend, i'll be glad to join in.
but as a girl, i see something else. as a girl, i see something that they both don't see yet. they may laugh at the idea or deny their true feelings. but there is something. and though i don't show, though i say it's just okay, doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. and it hurts big time.

as a friend, i'd feel guilty for feeling this way. but in the end, i'm still just a girl. falling for a boy, who is one of her best friends, that maybe falling for his best friend, who is also her best friend.

complicated much? not really. i guess it's really simple. there's this picture. of a boy and a girl. and i'm just not in it.

so when one of my best friends is falling for the guy i like, who is also my best friend; which one should i be, a friend or a girl?