random rants

"i'm scared." i am also worried, nervous, anxious about something i don't really know what or why. i have this heavy feeling in my chest but it's not some sort of sickness or anything. i find it wierd. it's been a while. maybe because i have to go back to school on monday and pressure is on with exams and coursework. or maybe it's what my mom said earlier that to me. or maybe, maybe uhm.. maybe i'll just be able to sleep it off.

"my heart is beating.." it always has been. it never stopped. yes, my heart has been broken before but that's no longer the issue. i'm happy where i am right now. even though there are occasional bumps, (sorry i'm not sure how to word it. but it's the best i can think of.) i'm really happy. i smile alot and enjoy a big laugh. inspiration comes and goes. and the times i do get a heavy heart, i know i've got a lot to smile for. (my partner is my favorite smile.Ü)

"and the winning number is..." isn't the raffle boring when you didn't buy any ticket? haha. think about it. buying raffle tickets is very much like buying lottery tickets. what are the chances that your ticket number gets picked? but it really is also exciting to find out whether you won something, anything at all.

"how's the weather today?" they say that the british usually talk about the weather. and i agree. i talk about the weather because i hate it. ok, hate is a strong word. but i just really don't like it. it's just so so so unpredictable. even the weatherman can be misleading. it could be raining really hard in the morning and very sunny and hot in the afternoon. the weather in london changes almost like a switch: on for rain and then off for sun. i mean where in the world can you find it snowing on the first day of springtime? (and sunny in winter?? really..)

"procrastination is.." bad. it is bad and very unhealthy. why? well, usually you end up cramming and rushing things, which therefore makes things more stressful. and now i gotta stop. i go back to school on monday. goodbye waking up at noon and sleeping early in the morning. focus on schoolwork and exams are now in shift. good luck to me.