random updates (aka rants)

so let's see, i haven't written down a real entry for some time now. ok so have written some entries that didn't need much thinking. like googling. come on, that doesn't take long. i can also grab stories from friends and share them with everyone here. i realise what happened to me in the past few weeks, in the past months. have i really been that busy? let me think.

may-june.

exams. my finals. yes, i have been studying for it. i tried my best and hopefully get the grades that i need. please please please. i try to always go to college to study. this is because when i am at home, i usually end up online. and not really doing much revision.

other stuff also came up during may and june. well there was envision and the pledges. it involved alot of planning and getting things ready for it. most of my friends were busy with their exams and other stuff that i had to do most of it. although i did have some help.

there was also a friend of mine leaving to go back home for the summer. we had to celebrate her 18th birthday in advance and i had to do a little of the planning. well, more than a little. i ended up doing most of the planning the day before the surprise. and it was quite stressful. but everything went well. my friend was definitely surprised. but somehow you sometimes want to feel some gratitude and some recognition for all your hard work. i mean i know i do all this because i consider her one of my best friends. so a simple 'thank you' or 'good job' would make everything so worth it. because you don't want to feel like you're just being taken for granted. i love my friends and i would do anything for them. i just hope they realise that.

i also got to travel. we went to wales for one weekend because of a philippine independence day celebration. and that felt good to go out of town and just relax. i just finished my exams around that time. and going to wales meant that it was indeed vacation time. meaning summer! woohoo! i also got to go to one of my dream destinations which is PARIS! yes, you read it right, Paris, France. and like omg?! well i guess you can see how happy i was about it. until now. we went there for my sister's 18th birthday, just overnight for the weekend. and although alot of time was wasted for travel, it was still so nice to break-away from exams and just hang out with my family. i'm definitely going back there. we were also to go to ireland but my parents went without us instead because it was expensive. oh well.

i finally got work. yes, i am working for the summer, part time and i get paid. although i'm not sure when or how, it's still cool. i would get to learn new things and get paid for it. plus it's good experience to put on my cv.

one of the biggest disappointments i have this summer is that i don't get to go home to the philippines. yes, i'm staying in london for the summer. damn. i'm sure my friends back home are as disappointed as i am. i feel bad that they have so much happening now in their lives right now and i don't get to be a witness to any of it.

two weeks ago, we went to the airport to see my friend off. and when she was boarding in and she was waving goodbye, i didn't see a friend leaving. because i'm sure she's coming back. instead, i saw someone going back home to her country to be with friends and family she hasn't seen for two years. and i badly wished it was me. oh how i wanted it to be me. i so wanted to go back home. how i wish it was me who was going home to the philippines. maybe it was the only way i could find out how much i mattered to my friends. would they spend as much time with me like they did for my other friend who did go home? i want to know whether they would miss me as much. but i guess i will never know.

as you can realise, most of this entry contains my disappointments and the sentiments. there is only so much my poor little heart can carry and try to let go off or hope that it would fade. but to end on a bright note, it's just the beginning the july.. and my summer has yet to take out and turn out to be the best summer ever.

i still remember my promise to my best friend that we will make this year our year. and i guess that's what i'll just do.