monologue

"do you know how it feels like when you have been taken for granted? you have worked so hard in planning for your friend's surprise and not get appreciated at all for it. no thank you's, no job-well-dones's. if you demand it, it's like saying you're not doing this because it's for a friend. it's like you're tired, you're trailing behind, cleaning and it still goes unnoticed.. you, your efforts, all go unnoticed..

do you know how it feels when you realise your friends don't really listen to you? imagine trying to convince your friends to watch a movie you'd love to watch and even when the movie comes out, you're still trying to convince them, only to find out your friends have watched it together. without you. and now instead somehow they're discouraging you to watch because it's crap. you just want to get mad, to get upset that they watched it without you. but you can't because they would find it such a lame and stupid reason to get upst about. but the most disappointing realisation here is that it seems no one hears me saying it and constantly talking about it. or maybe my friends don't take me seriously. the question here is do my friends actually listen to what i say or do they just hear me speaking..

i often wondered... i really wished.. you know.. what if it was me who went back home for the summer, for two months instead of my friend. what if it was me? would everyone go through all the trouble to spend more time with me before i leave? would my leaving be something they wished to not happen? or should i ask, would my absence be felt? would it affect them that i'm not around to spend each day with them? my question is would they miss me as much as they are missing my friend right now? i'd really like to know...maybe i figured that i may come back and find that everything would be different.

i know it's wrong to doubt my friends because they are great. but why do i feel so alone? that even if we're together as a group, i feel so lonely. thinking about it, i don't have that one person, that best friend i can call just my own.

there's just so much emotion my poor little heart can handle. i need to getaway, runaway, as far as i can. i need to go somewhere where i can think. i need a fresh start. maybe i just need a long sleep. and who knows....

for now, i'm still okay. but watch out though, one day, you may think i'm still okay. you see me smiling, as a teardrop starts to fall.. and i'm dying a little inside."

the lights go dim.

but bright as light, you see a teardrop reach the floor. and two.. and..