thoughts for today.

i thought summer is finally here. but when i woke up this morning, and looked out, i can hardly see the building at the other side. due to rain. pouring rain.

i thought the bad wierd dreams had stopped. but why do they keep coming back. it creeps me out. i don't want them anymore.

and lastly, i thought something's wrong with me today. what's happening to me? here i was watching a new couple together so sweet. and tears just started to fall. for no specific reason. they just did. after so long. and i couldn't stop it.

was it because i was happy for them?
did i miss that or somebody?
did i want that?
was i still sad?
did i want someone beside me now?

oh no, help.
can someone please tell me what is that all about?

runaway from here

last weekend was just so much fun. the getaway from civilization was just what i needed for a fresh start. for two days i was disconnected from almost all technology. i felt i was detached from everything i held so tightly in the past. on the edge of the cliff, i just wanted to scream and shout and let everything out. i wanted to run wild and free. i wanted to scream everything out and say whatever i want to say. and all i have to do is leave it behind in wales.

to be honest, the whole thing of moving on is hard and easy in a way. it's easy because i've been busy. all of a sudden, i find myself having lots of things to do and places i have to go to and things to celebrate. it's very rare that i be alone to my thoughts which scare me. it's hard because it hurts. at times, i just want to cry but i have to stop myself. sometimes i don't actually have the tears to shed.

plus there are dreams that i don't want to remember or even think about. the kind of dreams where it shows what exactly you want to happen or what you have been constantly thinking about lately. i had this dream last night. and it scared me. they say dreams could come true while others say that opposite happens in real life. and i do hope the opposite happens.

we all go through different things in our life. and they are suppose to make us stronger. and most of all, they serve a purpose, a lesson to be learned. somehow i think about what is the purpose for all of this to happen. i just want to know.

is it something for me to put in mind?
it is some preparation for future endeavours?
is it even something that is suppose to be special to me for the rest of life?

i don't really know or understand. for now, i just want to move on and live my life without it.
there's no turning back. not now or ever.