another way saying so..

a note:

you want the truth and here it is. i don't know whether fate is trying to tell me something or God is simply testing my strength. i don't understand but somehow i always seem to be in your shadow. i'd be lying if i said i didn't want to be here because there's a part of me that wants to stay. however, whenever i'm with you, i know i can never be truly and completely happy. it's like i'm in some make-believe world that only exists for you and me. then when we're apart, we lead our different separate lives and then i am left all alone to face reality. it just doesn't seem right to waste my time and all my energy on something that's actually pretense and in reality would never ever mean anything to anyone. when we're together, it's like we're stuck at a particular moment in time, no movement forward towards the future or growth as individuals. and that scares me too much. i'm scared to let go. scared to wake up and face reality. scared to show too much emotions that would only make things worse for me in the long run. scared to know that in reality i would mean nothing to you and you would actually show it. it hurts too much. i'm tired. i'm tired of pretending, lying, waiting, hurting and wasting everything on you. i deserve to be truly and completely happy. and now, i know i can't find it with you. so if ever you do decide to go back to our artificial world, i'm telling you now that you won't find me there. so don't even try to waste your time waiting for someone to come. because the harsh truth of reality is that we were never meant to be in the first place. so this is goodbye.

agatha